Forgiveness. . . The Crossroad to Peace

Forgiveness. This is an area that I have attempted to tackle and I have been grappling with for some time. I have and continue to confront forgiveness in my past. I confront forgiveness in my mind and with my emotions. Finally, for my own sanity and well being, I am trying to tackle forgiveness on paper. I am hoping to start an aspect of healing that so many other people, and I, so desperately need.

As I evaluate all of the curve balls that life sometimes sends our way, I am convinced that one of the hardest parts of life is dealing with people who have let you down-- mothers and fathers, who have abandoned you, relatives who have molested or abused you, significant others who have lied to you, or friends who have simply used you. These situations are primarily painful because at one point or another, we had hopes and dreams for these relationships. We had a promise or an expectation of the relationship that was never fulfilled. We pray that the other party in the relationship felt for us, the way that we feel for them yet their actions or lack thereof leave us feeling uncertain. We feel uncertain about the person and uncertain about our ability to read people and judge their sincerity. When people harm us through thoughts, words, actions or non-actions (in my case), we witness the dream die and the hope disappear right before our eyes.

One reason that we have a problem forgiving people is because we equate forgiveness with weakness. Our conscious choice to dwell in the land of unforgiveness makes us feel powerful or that we have the upper hand. We believe that if the person is forgiven, we are somehow sanctioning the wrong that has been done to us. It is important to understand however that these perceptions are far from the truth. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but it is a sign of courage and strength. Forgiveness is actually the first step that we take in order to move forward with our lives. Forgiveness is not a scapegoat for allowing people to get away with trifling things that have been said or done. The most important aspect of forgiveness is so that you can get on and move forward with your life.

One thing that I have come to realize is that forgiveness does not always require that you confront the person who has hurt you to let them know that they are forgiven. The reality is that most people that we are upset with could care less. Most people that we harbor resentment towards can barely remember the thing, situations or words that have left us in bondage. Forgiveness has less to do with what you say to the other person and more to do with your soul being at peace. Forgiveness is when you can think of a situation and not burst into tears. Forgiveness is when you can look at the wrong that has been done to you and not get angry. Forgiveness is when you can take the high road and not play tit for tat. It is when you can look at a person yet you are unable to recount all of the trifling things that person has said or done to you in the past.

When you come to a complete understanding that every thing in your life happens exactly the way it is suppose to, you can forgive the trifling things that people (including family members) have done to you.

Ultimately, true forgiveness is not about the other person but it is about you. It is about your right to live a healthy, joyful, peaceful life. It is about your right to live a life that is free of anger, hate and resentment. Forgiveness is about claiming what is rightfully yours- and this is your sanity, your well being and most importantly your peace.

What situation is keeping you from ultimate peace? I challenge you, as I challenge myself on this day, to have the faith and the courage to forgive that person so that you may move on and move forward with you life . . .